Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sweethearts, All the Way... {Guest Post}

I still see those proverbial two old folks walking hand in hand down a sidewalk, followed by a "today's" couple dragging a little baby along, the women yelling at the man about any number of things. What is the difference here? Why such a dramatic difference in the two? It's not necessarily that one couple is saved, the other not. This question should have driven me more to find the answer. It was not until lately that I was more focused on my relationship with my husband and how I can keep it sweet as the years go by.

1) Who's the leader of the family?

The major difference between the couples is the woman acknowledging and accepting who is the "head". I have developed a major pet peeve - when the woman governs the guy: telling him basically how and when to breath. As I've seen myself developing that fault, I know how very easy it is. Part of it (I say as my excuse) is that my husband needs to know what to do, and be told. He does not naturally show initiative. Did God know there would be some men like that when He gave that commandment?

2) What does love look like?

Every woman would say they love the man in their life. The difference is who is loved more by that woman. It is only expected that a married woman would quickly announce her husband is loved by her the most, and then she would probably continue with "even though he......" Would she sacrifice a want or perceived need she has for her man? When they were in a relationship before, dating, courtship, etc....would she have the same response as she does now? I wouldn't. Does that mean I don't still love? No, but maybe that love has just shifted. Do I love my husband or myself more?

3) Isn't love a two-way street?

Most people have a hard time not living in agreement with love being shown as equal on both sides. It's hard to be selfless and do or say something to or about someone that probably won't return the favor. For me, I have no question of my husband's love for me. We just can show that love in different ways. I shouldn't wait until "my"

kind of love is shown to me before I accept his message and show him love the way he sees it. Women, we need to act on love like we were the only one with it to give, because that is what love is. It does not demand an equal return in a timely fashion.

4) If I only knew then what I know now....

Our perceptions of people often change dramatically depending on how well we know them. "He only takes showers TWICE a month!", "He's ALWAYS working!", or "Can't we EVER go on a date anymore?" Yes, aren't we women so deprived of what we deserve? Get your eyes off your poor little self and focus on your husband's wants and/or needs. "Does she ALWAYS have to insist I wash my hands in the bathroom?", "Does she have to scrapbook or garden when I'm home and want her attention?" or "My thoughts used to feel important to her!"

5) Why?

A quick glance in the mirror seems like an answer to why he treats us the way he does for many. "I've gained a roll or two in my thighs!", "One of my chins wrinkles now!", or "I can't move my body the same in bed". For me anyway, how I look or "perform" doesn't have a lot of effect on my husband's behavior towards me. But how I treat him with honor, respect, or gentle kindness does. How a man's "other half" treats him has much more (or as much) to do with how he looks at or treats her.

This guest post was written by Sarah Tate - a young wife and mother. Sarah and her husband are the proud parents of a 1 year old son, and are expecting their second child in December.

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