A Lesson From Job for Wives

This past week I attended my uncle's funeral. The pastor (who also happens to be my grandfather) at one point in during the service spoke briefly about Job, and all the challenges he faced..even having his best friends and his own wife turn against him after losing all his children, wealth, and his health.

I've heard the story of Job many, MANY times, so this was nothing new to me. However, one thing DID stand out to me...something I had never noticed before.

To recap the story briefly, Job's "crime" (or the reason that all these terrible things happened to him) was that he was righteous, loved and feared God, and lived his life in a way that was glorifying to God. Satan believed that he was only doing these things because God had blessed and protected him, and that if he were to lose all his wealth and possessions he would curse God and turn away from him. God knew Job's heart, so he gave Satan licence to do whatever he wanted to Job, even taking away his family and his health, as long as he spared Job's life. Satan didn't waste any time in hitting Job where it really hurt, in a single day wiping out all his flocks and herds and almost all his servants (except the few who escaped with

the bad news), and killing his beloved children. Then he covered Job with painful boils.

Now here's the part that really stood out to me this time!

"Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God, and die." Job 2:9

Now, in the very few restrictions God gave Satan, I don't remember reading anything prohibiting Satan from killing Job's wife...after all, he killed all 10 of his children! Therefore, the only conclusion I can come to is that Satan knew that Job's wife, instead of being one of his joys and blessings, would be a stumbling block and discouragement to Job as he struggled to trust God in the midst of his sorrows.

Wow. As wives, we are supposed to be our husband's greatest encouragement, blessing, supporter, listener, friend, confidant, and so much more. If Job's wife had been all these things, don't you think she would have been one of Satan's FIRST targets? Instead, he knew that instead of taking her too, she would do Job more harm and damage if he left her alive!!

I don't know about you, but I know I don't always give my husband the support and encouragement he needs and craves. I tend to be a cruel realist when he comes to me with his plans and dreams, and instead of trying to find ways to encourage him, I'm more likely to shoot down his ideas with all the ways they WON'T work. I've never encouraged him to "curse God

and die," but I don't always encourage him spiritually as much as I could or should.

This new year I want to work harder at being my husband's refuge, where he knows he'll be safe from unnecessary criticism, and where he can always find love, support, and encouragement, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I want to live in such a way that if Satan were to have the same chance with Daniel that he had with Job, I would be the FIRST one on his list of targets, not the one left behind as a tormentor!!!

If your husband were to honestly describe you as a wife, would he say you were better described by this verse:

"The contentions of a wife are a constant dripping." (Proverbs 19:13b, NASB)

or by this verse:

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22, KJV)

I think we would all agree on which one we would WANT to be described as. :) Let's all work extra hard this year to be the "good thing."

A Proposal {Guest Post}

Ha, ha. That title got your attention, didn't it? Well, true, that is what the subject is about, but it may take a different path then you expected. I have been going through the Book of Ruth in a Bible Study with some women, and this week is focusing on the PROPOSAL between Boaz and Ruth.

As I had told my husband (of all times, when he was proposing to me), I felt just the only right way for a guy to ask a girl to be his wife is when he's on one knee. I realize that process isn't the most common thing people do now-a-days, and it often isn't practical providing the observers, location, etc., but it was always just my dream and how I imagined things going. In the study of Ruth this week, her proposal went uhm.... just the wrong way for me!

Let me quickly summarize how things went. Naomi (her mother-in-law from her deceased husband) instructed Ruth to do a list of things:

1) Wash

2) Anoint

3) Dress

4) Lie down

5) See where Boaz slept

6) Uncover his feet

7) Lie down

8) Follow the instructions her then gave

"Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor (after he's done eating and drinking...) uncover his feet, and lay thee down..." Ruth 3:3-4

Now, as much as I love my husband, it is very hard for me (even at his request) to take his shoes/socks off after a long day at work and rub his feet. What Ruth did was (remembering Boaz had come from a long day of outside work), uncover his feet, and SLEEP NEXT TO THEM. (It is suggested in this devotional book that Ruth probably had a hard time sleeping because of the trepidation or excitement she had. For me it

would have been the smell.)

My personal thoughts laid aside for a minute, it was a process she was willing to take that showed her humility, something I am sorely in need of. It was a gesture availing herself and trusting him immensely, so they would both remain pure.

Before this event, she had shown her female relative (Naomi) love, respect and care. (She had been gathering wheat to make and sell bread to buy food for meals.) During this event, she was showing a distant male relative pure love and respect. The most distant relative I can think on personally at the moment, are my cousins.

Again, I mean nothing against them as well, but there is absolutely no way on earth that I could muster up enough humility to not only uncover my cousin's feet after a long day of work, but spend all the horrible hours in the night sleeping at his stinky, sweaty, disgusting feet. I have asked my husband to shower after ONE DAY of mowing the lawn for a few hours. I cannot fathom SLEEPING by the feet of my cousin who has gone who knows how many days/weeks without a bath.

This is a great lesson of pure humility and self-sacrifice. God says in Proverbs 22:4 that "By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honour, and life." With just this scripture, and just this one biblical example, we are shown ways that humility is to be revered and longed for in our lives. Not to gain a husband, as in the story of Ruth, for he first noticed her meek and humble spirit of service, but humility as a means of service towards others.

-- I know of a few friends who don't respect Ruth, and aside from my thoughts on the issue, whatever you think or believe, please only focus on the humility I see in this example --

By the way, not skipping the topic, the book also shared how in that place and time, this action Ruth gave toward Boaz could be considered a honest-to-goodness marriage proposal.

This guest post was written by Sarah Tate - a young wife and mother. Sarah and her husband are the proud parents of a 1 year old son, and are expecting their second child in December.

Sweethearts, All the Way... {Guest Post}

I still see those proverbial two old folks walking hand in hand down a sidewalk, followed by a "today's" couple dragging a little baby along, the women yelling at the man about any number of things. What is the difference here? Why such a dramatic difference in the two? It's not necessarily that one couple is saved, the other not. This question should have driven me more to find the answer. It was not until lately that I was more focused on my relationship with my husband and how I can keep it sweet as the years go by.

1) Who's the leader of the family?

The major difference between the couples is the woman acknowledging and accepting who is the "head". I have developed a major pet peeve - when the woman governs the guy: telling him basically how and when to breath. As I've seen myself developing that fault, I know how very easy it is. Part of it (I say as my excuse) is that my husband needs to know what to do, and be told. He does not naturally show initiative. Did God know there would be some men like that when He gave that commandment?

2) What does love look like?

Every woman would say they love the man in their life. The difference is who is loved more by that woman. It is only expected that a married woman would quickly announce her husband is loved by her the most, and then she would probably continue with "even though he......" Would she sacrifice a want or perceived need she has for her man? When they were in a relationship before, dating, courtship, etc....would she have the same response as she does now? I wouldn't. Does that mean I don't still love? No, but maybe that love has just shifted. Do I love my husband or myself more?

3) Isn't love a two-way street?

Most people have a hard time not living in agreement with love being shown as equal on both sides. It's hard to be selfless and do or say something to or about someone that probably won't return the favor. For me, I have no question of my husband's love for me. We just can show that love in different ways. I shouldn't wait until "my"

kind of love is shown to me before I accept his message and show him love the way he sees it. Women, we need to act on love like we were the only one with it to give, because that is what love is. It does not demand an equal return in a timely fashion.

4) If I only knew then what I know now....

Our perceptions of people often change dramatically depending on how well we know them. "He only takes showers TWICE a month!", "He's ALWAYS working!", or "Can't we EVER go on a date anymore?" Yes, aren't we women so deprived of what we deserve? Get your eyes off your poor little self and focus on your husband's wants and/or needs. "Does she ALWAYS have to insist I wash my hands in the bathroom?", "Does she have to scrapbook or garden when I'm home and want her attention?" or "My thoughts used to feel important to her!"

5) Why?

A quick glance in the mirror seems like an answer to why he treats us the way he does for many. "I've gained a roll or two in my thighs!", "One of my chins wrinkles now!", or "I can't move my body the same in bed". For me anyway, how I look or "perform" doesn't have a lot of effect on my husband's behavior towards me. But how I treat him with honor, respect, or gentle kindness does. How a man's "other half" treats him has much more (or as much) to do with how he looks at or treats her.

This guest post was written by Sarah Tate - a young wife and mother. Sarah and her husband are the proud parents of a 1 year old son, and are expecting their second child in December.

The Heart of Her Husband

I've been thinking a lot lately about the subject of honoring and respecting your husband. I guess the reason it's been on my mind is that I seem to see or hear someone almost everyday (friends, acquaintances, or just random strangers I pass in Wal*Mart) disparaging or mocking their husband. I see it in Facebook statuses, hear it from Christian friends (whom I usually really respect for their godly character), overhear groups of strangers at restaurants, etc.. Most of the time it's said jokingly or tongue-in-cheek, but still my first reaction is "oh your poor husband!" I don't really stop to think about how dumb or bumbling he's been, I just feel sorry for him since he's stuck with a wife who not only thinks he's an idiot, but who also has no qualms spreading her opinion of him far and wide. Now before you all jump on me for trying to suppress women, or make men look perfect and women look like horrible sinners, let me say that is NOT what I think or am trying to say!!! I'm just saying that we are to be the keepers of our husbands' hearts...but how are they supposed to trust us when they're always flinching and waiting for us to tell a group of our girlfriends their latest mistake? Proverbs 31 verses 10 through 12 say (this is from the Amplified version...I thought it stated the heart of the issue very clearly) "(10) A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman -- who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. (11) The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. (12) She comforts, encourages, and only does him good as long as there is life within her." I think verse 12 pretty much sums this up!! If you can fit gossiping about your husband, belittling him for his mistakes, or mocking him in front of your (or worse, HIS!) friends into the guidelines found in that verse, then go to it!! I'm not trying to point fingers or single anyone out, because I know I've been guilty of these things as well. However, I've really been convicted of that and I'm trying hard to only say uplifting, supporting, admiring things about my husband to others.

I know our husbands are NOT perfect and they are GOING to do things that frustrate, annoy, and confuse us! I once heard a speaker who was extolling the virtues of his wife of many years. He said she kept a notebook where she "told God on him" when he had done something she just couldn't handle. Instead of complaining to her mother or friends, or punishing him in some way (and you ladies know we can come up with some pretty cruel ways of "punishing" our husbands when we feel they deserve it!!), she would take her tears and her frustrations to her notebook, and spill it all out to God. I remember being so impressed with that woman's self control and respect for her husband, and the fact that he appreciated her so much that he was bragging about her in front of a large group! Sometimes it's just kind of fun and relieving to whine and gripe and trade stories with our friends, but let's face it ladies; this is NOT a hobby that will make our husbands trust us! If they know that every time they mess up they can expect to read all about it the next day on Facebook (along with all the comments from their wife's, and in many cases, their OWN, friends), do you think that's going to help them open up their heart's dreams, desires, and hopes to us?! I think not. They're just going to pull back in defense of themselves, which is going to make us angry because we feel that they're pushing us away...and in many cases I've seen, women can't for the life of them figure out WHY their husband is growing more and more distant! I think that one of the greatest and most important goals we wives can set for ourselves is to never let a word cross our lips that would make our husbands feel that we don't completely respect, honor, and admire them! They KNOW they're not perfect...but a woman who loves them enough to overlook their offenses and goofs is going to make them willing and eager to walk through FIRE for her!!!

The Biblical model for a marriage (as found in Ephesians chapter 5) is for the wife to submit to her husband, and for the husband to love his wife as much as Christ loves the church. This means that husbands are told to love their wives whether they deserve it or not, but it stands to reason, in my mind at least, that a husband's love for his wife is going to naturally grow deeper, stronger, and more sacrificial if he knows she is willing to deny herself an hour's gossip with friends simply because she wants to show him respect and do everything she can to protect his good name and character.

Now I know some of you may think, "Hey, I don't even have a Christian husband!! There really isn't much to respect or honor about him, so I'm excused." Well, here's what 1 Peter 3 verses 1 and 2 say to Christian women married to unsaved men (again from the Amplified version): "(1) In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, (2) When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him -- to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted too, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]".

Please comment and let me know if you think I'm right or wrong...and please remember that I'm NOT trying to single out and humiliate anyone!!!! I'm just writing this as a general observation of ALL of us women (and I certainly do include myself in all of this!!!). Thanks for letting me share my thoughts on this issue, and I look forward to hearing yours as well!