Let him be Daddy...

...sounds so simple, easy, and natural, right? I mean, you love a man, marry him, have kids, of COURSE you want him to be there for them as their daddy!! But I don't think it's always that easy for some of us.

We as moms are some of the most protective people in the world!! There's NOTHING we wouldn't do to protect our kids!!! I think that with a very few exceptions most moms in the world would willingly die - if necessary - to keep our children safe! That's kind of extreme, but that same care and protection carries over into the little, mundane, day-to-day areas of our kids' lives....are they bundled up enough to go out in the cold safely? Did they put something dangerous in their mouths? Are the older kids playing too roughly with them? On and on.

It's part

of our job as mothers to watch over our children and protect them in all these ways, but I think sometimes we take it too far...and an area we need to be especially careful in is protecting our kids from their daddies. I understand that some kids are in horrible

living situations and NEED to be protected from their fathers, but I'm talking about the little things. He's taking over bath-time...you're hovering near the door making sure he checked to make sure the water isn't too hot or cold, the soap isn't in the baby's eyes, he's not taking his eyes off the baby for a second, etc. He wants to spend some daddy/baby time outside....you keep checking to make sure the baby's dressed warmly enough, he's not letting the dog lick it's face, he's watching to make sure the baby isn't eating dirt or poisonous berries, etc. I think you get the idea.

The point is, I think we as moms tend to act like we have the monopoly on protecting our little ones, and that the dads need as much babysitting as the babies! They need to feel that THEY are also responsible for the safety and welfare of THEIR children! If they know that no matter what they do, you're going to be right there keeping an eye on them, they're going to feel like you don't trust them.

In my opinion, even worse than "hovering" is correcting. I know I've been guilty of this...not only do I keep asking questions to make sure everything is being done safely, I correct my husband if he's doing something "wrong" (translation - not necessarily "wrong," just not the way I would do it). If we're constantly giving dads the feeling that they're not good enou

gh to be trusted with their own children, or that we don't approve of their parenting methods, they will pull back defensively and just leave us to parent as we see fit...WITHOUT them. That's the LAST thing we want, right??!! I mean, we've already agreed that INVOLVED dads are the goal! But what if OUR attitudes or actions are what's keeping them from BEING involved (whether we mean it that way or not).

I think I'm pretty laid back as a mom, but I still catch myself either watching over things while Daniel & Kaleigh are together, or telling him what he's doing wrong with her. It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that I get used to things being done a certain way. I realized quite awhile ago that I tend to do this, so I've tried to loosen up and just ignore them when Daniel's taking care of Kaleigh. I KNOW that he knows what he's doing, I TRUST her with him COMPLETELY, so I've just decided to let him BE her daddy, even if he washes her hair differently than I do, or brings her home a little greasy and muddy from the farm, or lets her sip Mt. Dew once in awhile. When I catch myself about to say something to him, I stop and think, is this really worth it? Once in awhile there IS something important that I need to make him aware of, but I try to do it in a kind, informative way, so he doesn't feel like I don't trust him with his own daughter.

My mom and I actually talked about this before our daughters were born, and I really appreciated her sharing this thought with me early on. I think having this in the back of my mind has really been good for our family!! The longer we go, the less I even think about it when Daniel's in charge of Kaleigh. I understand that we're different people, so we're going to do things differently. However, I completely trust Daniel not to do anything that would jeopardize Kaleigh's safety or well-being, so I don't worry about the little differences in our parenting styles.

I'm really rambling on...I hope this is making sense to you! I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I LOVE watching my husband and my daughter together!!! I LOVE the way they love each other and want to spend time together. I don't want to do anything to damage the precious relationship they have, and I'm very thankful that I've backed off on things along the way that didn't really matter, but that could have hurt Daniel's confidence to just BE a daddy!! I know that not all of you are going to have a problem in this area, but it was just something I was thinking about and wanted to share. :)

Slow to Anger

I think we've all been in these rather uncomfortable situations....you're in a store or business and a child is misbehaving. Suddenly, the parent loudly loses control of their emotions and blows up at the kid, yelling at them for misbehaving, threatening them if they don't instantly stop what they're doing, etc. Somehow, to me at least, no matter HOW terribly the kid was acting, my first thought is "oh that poor thing...what a horrible mom/dad!" I know there are lots of other circumstances that come into play which we, the casual observers, know nothing about, but still. We are the ADULTS!! We are supposed to be a good example to our children instead of giving up and screaming at them in anger.

I've always purposed to never be one of "those" parents whom you can hear all the way across the store yelling at their kids for whatever reason. Recently I had a chance to put it to the test...Kaleigh was playing with some toys in a kids' area while I shopped in a consignment store. When it was time to leave I helped her pick up the toys, and then picked her up to carry her out of the store. Her body instantly went rigid and she SCREAMED!!!! I plastered a smile on my face and scurried out trying to save face in front of the other people in the store. When I got to the car, she continued to scream and kick as I pleasantly strapped her into her car seat. When I finally got into my seat, I just sat there for a minute...and I realized that I hadn't gotten angry! I wasn't pleased with her behavior, and I was slightly embarrassed, but I wasn't angry at her. I somehow felt like I had won a victory over myself, even tho I DO need to do some work with Kaleigh about her little attitude!

While I was thinking about this subject, I did a search for verses containing "slow" and "anger." I came up with at least 6 verses in which God is described as being slow to anger...for example, read Nehemiah 9:16-17 - "(16) But they and our fathers dealt proudly, and hardened their necks, and hearkened not to thy commandments, (17) And refused to obey, neither were mindful of thy wonders that thou didst among them; but hardened their necks, and in their rebellion appointed a captain to return to their bondage: but thou art a God ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and forsookest them not."

I don't know about you, but had I been in God's place (having spent over 40 years leading an ungrateful, whining, complaining, demanding, unfaithful, disobedient nation around the desert) I probably would have decided enough was enough and just blasted them all to bits!!! However, God in His great mercy is so patient and kind with ALL of us as we stumble, fall back into sin, demand things of Him, and lead ungrateful lives. "It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not." (Lamentations 3:22)

So from now on in my parenting, I am going to try to show patience, mercy, and kindness to Kaleigh and any other children the Lord may give us, in an attempt to reflect the loving way our Father deals with us. I know that children can be VERY disobedient, destructive, and frustrating (and I still believe that loving, Godly discipline should be administered as necessary!!), but we as parents need to temper our actions with love and grace. I really think that this applies to all people in all situations!! Just think what a better place this world would be if everyone stopped before they reacted in anger, and instead chose to be forgiving and gracious?! "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." (Proverbs 15:1) I know that will never happen world-wide because the world is an imperfect and sinful place, but we as Christians should be doing our best to show the rest of the world the love of Christ, and I think our parenting is one place we could really make an impact!! If they see our children misbehaving and then they see us blow up in anger, how are we any different than every other unsaved parent?! Instead, we should be showing them a better way...God's way.

"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:" (I Peter 3:15)